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Screensize: 640 x 480 800 x 600 1024 x 768 1280 x 1024 UserName: Password: Format Mode: Basic  Help  Prompt  Format: Font Andale Mono Arial Arial Black Book Antiqua Century Gothic Comic Sans MS Courier New Georgia Impact Lucida Console Script MT Bold Stencil Tahoma Times New Roman Trebuchet MS Verdana   Size 1 2 3 4 5 6   Color Black Red Yellow Pink Green Orange Purple Blue Beige Brown Teal Navy Maroon LimeGreen Message: * HTML is OFF * Forum Code is ON Smilies [quote][i]Originally posted by Iceheart[/i] [br]To My Dearest Wife, During the past year, I have attempted to make love to you 365 times. I have succeeded 36 times, which is an average of only once every 10 days. The following is a list of why I didn't succeed more often: We will wake the kids - 54 times It's too late - 15 times I'm too tired - 42 times It's too early - 12 times It's too hot - 18 times Pretending to be asleep - 31 times The neighbors will hear - 9 times Headache or backache - 26 times Sunburn - 10 times Your mother will hear us - 9 times Not in the mood - 21 times Watching the late show - 17 times Too sore - 26 times New hairdo - 6 times Wrong time of the month - 14 times You had to go to the bathroom - 19 times Of the 36 times that I DID succeed, the result was not always satisfying because 6 times you just laid there, 8 times you reminded me that there was a crack in the ceiling, 4 times you told me to hurry up and get it over with, 7 times I had to wake you up to tell you I was finished, and once I was afraid that I had hurt you because you started thrashing around and breathing heavy. Let's try to improve this, shall we?? Love, Your Hubby ------------------------- To My Dearest Husband, I think things are a little confused. Here are the REAL reasons you didn't get more than you did this past year: Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat - 23 times Did not come home at all - 36 times Did not come - 21 times Came too soon - 38 times Went soft before you got it in - 19 times Cramps in your leg - 16 times Working too late - 33 times You had a rash, probably from a toilet seat - 29 times Caught yourself in your zipper - 15 times You had a cold and your nose kept running - 21 times You had burned your tongue on hot coffee - 9 times You had a splinter in your finger - 11 times You lost the notion after thinking about it - 42 times Came in your pajamas after reading a dirty book - 16 times The reason I laid still was because you had missed me and were screwing the sheet. You seemed to be having a good time and I didn't want to move and spoil it for you. I wasn't talking about the crack in the ceiling. What I said was, "Would you like me on my back or kneeling?" The time I was thrashing around and gasping was when you farted and I was fighting for air. Maybe you can work on your "shortcomings?" Love, Your Wife ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Heaven bent to take my hand, and lead me thru the fire. Be the long awaited answer, to a long and painful fight. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [/quote]   Check here to include your profile signature. Check here to subscribe to this topic.