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URBAN LEGENDS : Archive 2002	Date Added
Lawyer Plunges to Death	August 2002
`An attorney for a huge law firm situated in Dallas, Texas, was in charge of showing the summer interns around each year. Since this was a good ol' boy firm, much lewdness followed the arrival of these young, mostly female law students.`This attorney was one of the worst offenders, and became the worst sort of peacock when confronted with nubile attorneys-in-waiting. His big ploy to win them over was to show them his own office, a huge room on the 50th floor. He bragged about the floor-to-ceiling-windows and how unafraid of heights he was. In fact, he'd boast each year, the walls were so thick that he amused himself by running at them full speed! He then proceeded to demonstrate, throwing himself against the windows. This usually elicited a gasp from one of the women in the group, and he knew who he'd be taking to dinner! This pathetic pattern of peacock-ery continued for 15 years! One summer, the day of the interns arrival came. He brought them on the usual tour, and began his speech about his window. He then, as he'd done 15 years in a row, ran at it full speed. The window took the blows 14 times in a row, but had been weakened just enough that the 15th was the last straw...the glass shattered and the wailing attorney plummeted 50 floors to his death. This time, the gasps that accompanied his little stunt weren't signs that he was going to get lucky that night. Contributed by : acm_david@hotmail.com
Nude Woman, Blind Man	August 2002
`A young female apartment-dweller was taking a cool, refreshing shower one hot summer day. When she heard the doorbell, she turned off the shower and yelled, "Who is it?""Blind man," came the response. She decided that he must be soliciting for The Lighthouse or another charity for the blind, so she grabbed her purse (but nothing else) and opened the door. "The management company sent me. Where do you want me to hang these blinds?" he asked. "I don't know what you need blinds for if you answer the door buck naked. Someone might see you with your clothes on through the windows?"`..
Accidental Stripper	August 2002
`We heard this one about a woman we'll call "Jane."`Jane was a beautiful woman who worked as a commodities analyst. In December, her company stuck her with the awful assignment of giving a presentation at a conference in Nebraska in December. Her secretary prepared her itinerary and booked her in a room in the hotel where the conference was being held. Jane's flight was delayed for several hours due to snow, and she got lost on the way to the hotel from the airport, so she arrived at the hotel five minutes before she was scheduled to make her speech. She didn't even have time to check in so she checked her itinerary and saw that she was to make her speech in "The President's Room." She rushed through the lobby and down a hallway where she saw a room labeled, "The Lincoln Room." This was it. She made her way inside and went right up to the stage. She fumbled through her briefcase, found the envelope she needed and began to open it to take out her speech. A voice from the back of the room yelled, "Yeah, take it off Sweetie!" She had heard of men behaving like teenagers at conventions but couldn't believe that someone was sexualizing her taking her speech out of her envelope. She decided that the best policy would be to get on with her speech and ignore the heckler. But soon many men were telling her to "take it off" and she became very bewildered and afraid. A man approached her and said, "The business woman thing was great, but you can start your act now." She assured him that she was trying to give her presentation but that the men were not allowing her to begin. He said, "All you gotta do is take your clothes off and they'll shut right up. Haven't you ever stripped at a bachelor party before? The escort service said you were a pro." It was then that Jane realized she must be in the wrong room, and she was right. There actually was a room called "The President's Room." Contributed by : sandra32456@hotmail.com
Meal for a Ride	August 2002
`A driver picks up a hitchhiker and offers him a free meal. The hitchhiker accepts of course, and the driver pulls over into a roadside diner. They sit, making obligatory small talk.`The driver is trying to gain the hiker's trust for the gag he's about to pull on him, but he is also trying to make sure that his passenger doesn't count Jeffrey Dahmer as one of his heroes. No, the hiker is just a nice guy. The food arrives, they eat up, and the driver tells him to finish his coffee, he's going to go fill the car up with gas. Then, he walks up to the register and says, "That guy over there said he'd pay for my meal and gas since I gave him a ride." He points over to the unsuspecting hitchhiker who waves. The man goes out to his car, fills up, and drives away chortling with glee. Contributed by : khalo@yahoo.com
Room With An X-Rated View	August 2002
`Len and Beth wanted to get wild. They rented a room in a sleazy sex theme hotel, replete with vibrating waterbed, Jacuzzi, and piped in cheesy music.`They ordered the cheapest champagne on the menu from room service, drank up and had an evening of steamy sex. They returned home feeling refreshed and renewed. A year later they were married, and in the nine years after that they had three kids. Their life was becoming very hectic so they decided to recreate their sexy evening on the 10th anniversary. Luckily the same hotel was still in business and they were able to rent the very same room. The decor was a bit different and the hotel was a bit shabbier, but the spirit of the place was the same. A new feature intrigued them, a closed-circuit TV with "XXX rated amateur porn movies." They promptly dialed the front desk and ordered three hours of it. They settled into the waterbed, vibrating away, and the tape began. The first couple came on. Len and Beth gasped. There they were, ten years younger in the same hotel room, in the process of finding the spark in their relationship. Len wanted to get a copy from the desk. Any other involuntary home videos? Contributed by : e-mail address with held by request
Now That's A Lube Job!	August 2002
`Things between Alicia and Kyle were already strained, but when he made her late to work that was the last straw. He was supposed to have fixed the fuel pump on her car the night before but hadn't. Alicia left a note for Kyle to "fix the stupid car, stupid" and rushed off to catch a bus.`When she got home from work, she was relieved to see workboots and jeans sticking out from under the car. Whenever Kyle did what she asked him to, Alicia seemed to get a bit, overheated, shall we say. She strode over to the car, knelt down, unzipped the jeans and proceeded to repay Kyle for his work on the car. When she was finished with him, she got up and went into the house, satisfied with their reconciliation. There, at the stove stood Kyle. "But...what...how...who is out under the car?", she stuttered. "That's a mechanic they sent over, I just couldn't get the fuel pump to work." Alicia rushed back out to the driveway to explain only to find the mechanic unconscious. He had been so surprised that he had banged his head on the muffler and knocked himself out.
Boycott Satan!	September 2002
The Proctor & Gamble logo used to be the Man In the Moon gazing at 13 stars. These were supposed to represent the 13 colonies, but a rumour spread that the logo was a Satanic cult symbol. And some people claimed to have seen the mystical number 666 in the logo as well. By mid 1985, 12,000 people a month were writing or calling P&G to complain. Boycotts sprang up around the country. The company made public announcements explaining the logo, showing diagrams and charts, but the rumour persisted until P&G decided to change its logo.Two other prominent American businesses have been linked to Satanic cults: Liz Claiborne and McDonalds. Both Liz Claiborne and Ray Kroc (the founder of McDonalds) were rumoured to have admitted on talk shows that they were devil worshippers. Even though the interviews in question were broadcast repeatedly, proving that Satan wasn't even discussed let alone worshipped, the rumours persisted. (We've always felt that the Golden Arches were a bit extreme, but the Gates of Hell? We don't think so.) In a related bit of trivia, the IRS used to have a Form 666 (it was one of the forms used for calculating taxes on retirement plans), but it changed the form number after a southern minister touched off a wave of protests about the diabolical number. It was even believed that President Reagan was a Satanist, because there were six letters in his first, middle (Wilson) and last names. His name is also an anagram. Ronald Wilson Reagan = Insane Anglo Warlord.
My Prom Date Was Satan	September 2002
`In the 1980's, all across Pennsylvania, high school prom chatter was not about what to wear or who was dating whom... but what good old Satan, the Prince of Darkness, had in store for the school prom.`Legend had it that Satan-worshippers would kill the first three students to arrive at the prom--wherever. There were rumours that demons would execute girls in pink prom dresses, or that the slaughter would start during the Prom King and Queen's first dance. And that there would be LSD in the punchbowl. And a riot on the dance floor. Everyone tells us these rumours are true, but we can't find any evidence of Satanic murders, or anything even remotely Satanic happening at a Prom. Maybe some "Exorcist"-type projectile vomiting and "Carrie" act-alike contests, but other than that...total occult prom incidents so far: zero. Still, we're hoping you might have a prom tale or two to tell....and be sure and check out Legs Urbano's Report from the Field on this very scary subject! (Source: Tamarkin, "Rumour Has It") Contributed by : mothermmm@centialweb.com
Brain Graffiti	September 2002
Paul and Larry were surgical residents. They were both on call, but Paul snuck out to do some carousing. Soon after, Larry was woken up to do an emergency head operation on a car accident victim. The operation went fine, but Larry's mood was in a downward spiral, so he used his electro cutlery knife to inscribe "Paul Sucks" on the inside of the patient's skull while he still had it open. After all, who'd know once the patient's skull was closed and his scalp sewn back in place? But the patient's wound got infected, and the piece of skull had to be removed and replaced with a plastic plate. Everyone laughed at Larry's joke but the patient and the administration. The patient lived, but both Larry and Paul were dismissed from the hospital. (Source: Frank Vertosick, "When the Air Hits Your Brain" (Norton 1996 Contributed by : mothermmm@centialweb.com
Jeffrey Dahmer's Autopsy	September 2002
In 1994, serial killer Jeffrey Dahmer was murdered in prison while serving a life sentence. But he was still able to instill terror, even after his death. Dr. Robert Huntington, the pathologist in charge, says that when Jeffrey Dahmer was autopsied in 1994, his ankles were shackled to the autopsy table. Seems that the mere presence of the cannibalistic killer frightened the interns so much that they felt it necessary to tie Dahmer up. Even though he was already dead. As Stevie Wonder sang, "Very superstitious..." (Source: Milwaukee Journal 3/17/95; quoted in Poppy Z. Brite, "Exquisite Corpse") Contributed by : mothermmm@centialweb.com
Hey, Where's My Kidney?	September 2002
`A business man was attending a conference in a city on the Eastern Seaboard. He checked into his hotel room at about 3 pm and had the rest of the day and evening to kill before the conference began the next morning.`He asked a bellhop to recommend a nice quiet out of the way bar where he could go over his papers and have a solitary drink in comfort. The bellhop, for a small fee, directed him to a bar just around the corner from the hotel. He found the bar and went in and sat down. His drink arrived just as the young woman in the low cut tight dress sat down at his table. She asked if he was in town for the convention and he said yes. The man, who wasn't married, was flattered at the attention and accepted when the woman offered to buy him a drink. She ordered him a shot of whiskey and they downed the drinks, toasting to their lucky meeting. As it turns out, the meeting was lucky for her, not so lucky for him. The drink had been spiked. When the man came to, he was very groggy. He realized that he was submerged in a tub filled with ice. He felt a vague pain and knew that he was under the influence of more than alcohol. Looking down at his chest he saw the words "Call 911 or you will die" written on his chest in black marker. It was then that he saw the crude stitches lining his side and that the colour of the bathwater was vaguely red. A phone sat next to the tub. He called 911 and was rushed to the hospital. His kidney had been removed and was probably already inside some ailing millionaire. All over the popular culture, you'll find references to The Stolen Kidney. Contributed by : aghammond@eaglenet.com
Another Version of The Kidney Heist
Three young men were spending the weekend partying in a popular tourist-town in Mexico. One of the men left the bar with an attractive lady, saying he'd see the guys the next day. The next evening the other men began to worry about their friend, and went to his room to check on him. After breaking in they found him on the bed, unconscious and bleeding. They found a fresh surgical closure on his back and called for an ambulance. At the hospital they were shocked to discover one of his kidneys had been removed. - This one takes place in a lot of towns, mostly in South America. The doctor sometimes comments that it happens all the time, they sell the organs on the black market Contributed by : unknown
The Mercy of Maggots	October 2002
I heard this one from a good friend of mine, whose father is a physician at a local hospital. At about 12:00 a.m., 8 hours into his shift, several policemen came in supporting a drunk, smelly, dishevelled old man hopping on his right leg. The policemen called for a doctor, and explained that the left leg probably needed to be amputated. The man was drunkenly howling too loudly for them to explain. He was brought to an exam room and put on the bed. The doctor saw a severely discoloured, emaciated, and mangled leg from the knee down. The foot was beyond recognition. He took a history, and it came out that the man had stepped on a rusty iron nail. The doctor called for tests of the leg tissues, and found out that gangrene had set in, but in such an advanced stage that it should have long since killed the patient. The only reason the man was still alive was that maggots had eaten at enough of the rotten flesh to keep him alive. Contributed by : smurfkitty@kittykat.com
Disgusting Dentures	October 2002
`One day a European dentist fitted some old lady with her first pair of dentures. After the visit was over he told her to come back if she ever had any problems.`Two months later the woman bursts through the office door gesturing madly, pointing at her mouth and making gruesome faces. The dentist realizes what she wants to say is that her mouth hurts so bad she can hardly open it. Well, he sits her back and pulls out her plate, only to find that it's covered with maggots! Apparently, the stupid woman didn't know that she was ever supposed to take your false teeth out and clean them . She had never taken her dentures out of her mouth in the whole time she had them. Contributed by : e-mail withheld on request
Carpet Layers Nightmare	October 2002
`A carpet installer was laying new living room carpeting in a large mansion.` After laboriously pulling, stretching, and tacking the carpet, he finally finished, and gratefully sat back to enjoy a cigarette. Reaching into his shirt pocket, however, he found that his cigarettes were gone, and looking toward the center of the room, he saw a bulge the size of a cigarette pack under the new carpeting. He of course had no intention of pulling up the carpet, so instead he took a large mallet, and pounded the lump flat, so it could not be seen. He then hopped in his truck and headed back to the office. On the way, he found his cigarettes in the glove compartment. `Just then his cellular telephone rang. When he answered it, he discovered it was the dispatcher from his office. The dispatcher said that the homeowner had just called them in a panic. It seems their son's favorite pet hamster was missing. Had the carpet layer seen the hamster while he was in the house? Oops!` Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Babysitter	October 2002
It was the night before Thanksgiving in America and a young couple decided to spoil themselves for a night on the town, after spending several tiring months caring for their new baby. The couple made reservations at a swank restaurant and rang and booked a baby sitter. The couple were a bit worried when they met the baby sitter. She was dressed as if she was an extra in the movie Hair, and smelled like the inside of a bong. (Not that I would know what that smells like) In any case, the parents went out, in spite of their misgivings. (It's hard to find a babysitter the night before Thanksgiving, after all.) During dinner, the young mother became so worried that she rushed to a pay phone and called home. The baby sitter assured her that everything was fine, in fact she had just preheated the oven to start baking the turkey. Back at the table, the husband asked what the baby sitter had said. When his wife told him, he frowned and said, "We didn't have a turkey in the fridge." Worried, they called for the bill and rushed home. Their fears were justified. The baby sitter was crazed on drugs, and had just finished basting the infant with gravy--and was just about to pop her into the scalding hot oven. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Graveyard Wager	October 2002
A group of young girls were having a slumber party one night and began to exchange ghost stories. One girl claimed that the old man who had been buried earlier that week in the graveyard down the street had been buried alive. She claimed that if you tried you could hear him scratching at the lid of his coffin still. The other girls called her bluff and told her she was afraid to go there tonight. She eventually accepted their challenge and took a stake with her to drive in the ground to prove she'd been there. She headed off to the gravesite right away and never returned, the others assumed she had "chickened out" and went home ashamed. The next morning as they passed the graveyard they saw her there at the old man's grave. She had accidentally staked her nightshirt to the ground and died of fright. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Hairy Hitch Hiker	October 2002
A young lady driving alone down the highway one night say a large gray-haired woman slowly walking along the side of the road. She pulled over and offered the old woman a ride. As they rode along, the women made small-talk. As the old lady offered her a stick of gum, she noticed the old woman's hands were very wide and the knuckles were badly scarred, she also saw how incredibly hairy the woman's arm was. Realizing her mistake, she swerved and said she thought she'd hit something, then she stopped and asked the old lady if she'd take a look. When the old lady was behind the car, the girl sped off. The young girl immediately felt guilty realizing that she had probably just been an old woman, and in her nervousness she had behaved very badly. She felt even worse when she notice the old woman's purse sitting in the floor of the passenger side. Realizing she couldn't just go on with it, she lifted it from the floor and saw that inside it was filled with wallets, watches and jewelry and a large bloody hunting knife. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Vanishing Girl	November 2002
Two guys were driving down the highway one night, when they see a lovely young girl standing by the road shivering. They stop and offer her a ride, and lent her an overcoat. When they dropped her off at her house, they forgot the overcoat as she got out. The next morning they dropped by to get it and see that the girl was ok, her mother told them her only daughter died in a car accident long ago, and showed them her grave as proof. Neatly folded on the grave was the over coat. - This one is told many different ways, in some the girl disappears before they get to her destination, so the guys stop at the house to see what's going on. In some the guys take the girl to the prom before she leaves with the overcoat. Sometimes she died exactly a year ago to the date, others she died many years ago, but something like this happens every anniversary of her death. Usually she died in the place where the boys picked her up. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Body In The Bed	November 2002
A man and his wife were vacationing in Las Vegas and as they arrived in their room they found it was filled with an overpowering stench. They called the front desk to complain, and headed for the casinos for some late-night gambling while the problem was taken care of. When they returned to the room, the stench was replaced with the strong smell of chemical cleaners and deodorizers, annoyed but satisfied that it was better than before they went to bed. Early in the morning the smell had returned so strongly that it awakened them, the man called the manager and angrily demanded another room immediately. While his wife packed up their stuff the man ripped the sheets off the bed, where the smell seemed to be coming from. He found that the mattress had been cut open and a well-dressed corpse had been shoved inside. The couple were given a complimentary suite and free passes to the shows. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
Another Version : Do Not Disturb, I am Dead!
A young couple on a vacation checked into a motel in the middle of nowhere. On their way to a big city, they had decided to enjoy the isolation the motel provided. They were so tired from driving all day, they immediately fell asleep after checking in. In the middle of the night they both woke up to a strange smell, and opened the windows to air the room out. They informed the management the next morning and the room was thoroughly cleaned while our couple lay by the pool. That night after a late dinner in the motel restaurant, the smell was back. After an inspection by the manager, the cause of the smell could not be determined, so he gave the couple another room. They checked out the next morning and continued on their trip. Two days later they picked up a newspaper in a roadside diner. There they saw a front page picture of the motel they had stayed in. Upon reading the article, they found out what was causing the strange smell. The night before they had stayed in that room, a well known gangster had rented it. He was found dead, sewn inside the mattress. He had been poisoned. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Keg	November 2002
A couple had just moved into a small castle they'd recently purchased and were excitedly searching all the nooks and crannies. In a large underground room they found many empty barrels that had been tapped years ago, and one that appeared to be full. They immediately tapped it to find that it contained a delicious brandy. They drank and served it at parties enjoying not only it's flavor, but that it could have been hundreds of years old. Months later when the barrel ran dry, they noticed it was still too heavy to be empty, they cut it open and found a shriveled corpse curled up in the barrel. - This one's especially interesting because sometimes bodies were shipped this way to preserve them for burial. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Hitch Hiking Prophet	November 2002
During World War II a couple were driving home one night and picked up a hitchhiker. The man barely spoke during the ride, but as he got out he thanked the couple and told them to repay their kindness, he'd answer any question they may ask. The driver smiled and said "All right, when will the war end?" the hitchhiker replied "The war will end in July as surely as you will have a dead man in your car before you get home." Unsettled, the couple said goodbye and drove off. Before they reached home they saw a wrecked ambulance by the road, they picked up the driver and a badly hurt patient. By the time they reached the hospital, the patient had already died. As the shock wore off, the couple regretted that they hadn't asked the hitchhiker what year. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Killer in the Backseat	November 2002
As a woman was getting into her car she noticed a man with a strange look on his face walking quickly toward her. She jumped into the car and drove away, but before long she saw the man was following her in another car. She panicked and drove home as quickly as she could, swerved into the driveway and screamed for her husband. Her husband ran out just as the following man pulled up, jumped from his car and yelled "Lady, there's someone hiding in your back seat!" Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
The Choking Doberman	November 2002
A woman came home from shopping to find her Doberman choking on something, she quickly put him in the car and drove him to the vet. The vet told her to go on home while he operated to remove whatever was lodged in the dog's windpipe, and he'd call her when she could pick up her pet. She wasn't home for long when the vet called and told her in an excited voice to get out of the house right now, he'd be by to explain in a few minutes. from her neighbor's window she saw the vet arrive with the police and ran out to see if her dog was alright and what was going on. As the police ran into her house the vet told her what her loving pet had choked on, two human fingers. The police found the escaped Lunatic hiding in the closet nursing his mangled hand. Contributed by : e-mail with held by request
Bloody Mary	December 2002
If you stand in front of a mirror in a dark room and chant "Bloody Mary" twelve times starting at the stroke of midnight, the face of a hideous woman will appear in the mirror. It's the spirit of a girl who was born with a disfiguring disease and was killed by a cruel joke gone awry. - This one's a classic. It's told about a thousand different ways, sometimes she scratches, slaps, grabs, kills... The number of chants changes, and what is chanted changes. Some good ones are Black Agnes and Hell Mary. Sometimes she's a witch who was burned at the stake, or an innocent woman accused and burned. The stroke of midnight isn't very common, most the time it merely has to take place at night. I liked it because it makes it more difficult for even the bravest souls not to pause under pressure.
Drinking & Driving	December 2002
A man got home late from a night out drinking with the boys and staggered inside, his wife heard him and helped him into bed. The next morning she complained about his behaviour and how she worried about how he makes it home so drunk. He agreed that he had no memory of the last few hours of his night out, but said he'd never had a problem before. As he pulled out of the garage to go to work, his wife who was watching him angrily from the front door screamed when she saw the little girl crushed into the grill of the car.
The Message Under the Stamp	December 2002
During the war a soldier faithfully wrote his mother every week so she would know he was alright, until one week she didn't get a letter and immediately began to worry. Within a couple of weeks she got a letter from the Army saying that her son had been captured and was being held in a Prisoner-of-War camp, and they assured her that they had no reason to believe the American prisoners were being mistreated in any way. A few weeks later the woman finally received another letter from her son, it read: "Dear Mom, Try not to worry about me, they are treating us well and I'll be released as soon as the war is over. Make sure that little Teddy gets the stamp for his collection. Love you, Joe" The woman was overjoyed to hear the news, but was confused because she had no idea who "little Teddy" was. She decided to steam the stamp from the envelope and have a look. When she did she saw that written on the back of the stamp were the words: "They've cut off my legs". - This may be one of the oldest Urban Legends in existence, it's been circulated during every war since the Civil War. It's ironic since POW camps didn't stamp their mail, being a government institution the mail was metered. It was especially popular during Vietnam, and the part of the body cut off varies.
Thump Thump Drag	December 2002
A teenaged babysitter put the kids she was watching to sleep in their beds and went back downstairs. The late night news was on the TV -- the reporter said a psychopath from a local mental institution was on the loose and that police thought he might be in the area. He cautioned residents to lock their doors and windows because this guy was very, very dangerous. Well, the teenager checked the locks on the windows and the doors, but she forgot the door on the cellar bulkhead. Needless to say, the psychopath broke in about an hour later, coming up from the cellar, armed with an axe. The children heard some noises downstairs, but thought it was the babysitter moving some furniture around. Then it got real quiet. All they heard for the remainder of the night was this noise: "Thump! Thump! Dra-aag... Thump! Thump! Dra-aag..." Evidently, they were too afraid to get up to see what it was. In the morning, their parents came home and were horrified to find the babysitter at the top of the stairs, dead with both arms hacked off at the elbows. She'd been climbing the stairs on the bloody stumps of her arms, pulling her badly injured body along. Was she trying to check on the children? Was she trying to get help? Or in the madness of her tortured soul, was she planning to kill the children herself? No one knows for sure.
The Two Hitch Hikers	December 2002
A salesman driving along the highway one day saw a hitcher and decided picking him up would be a good way to relieve his boredom. After he did, he immediately regretted it, the man was large and menacing, and his questions about the salesman's business quickly made him nervous. Ahead he saw another hitchhiker and decided his best bet was to pick this one up too, especially since this one was well dressed and very clean-cut. As soon as the second hitcher got in the back seat he pointed a gun at the two men in the front and demanded their valuables. The front-seat passenger swung his arm back and smashed the robber in the head with his elbow, knocking him unconscious. Before the salesman could even say anything, the large man took the gun and all the unconscious robbers possessions and pushed him back out of the car. As he turned to the salesman, gun in hand, the salesman begged him not to hurt him, he'd do whatever the large man wanted. The large hitchhiker said: "Relax buddy, I'm not gonna rob you, it's my day off."
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